Communing with God is a vital aspect of our spiritual life. We set aside intentional pockets of time to connect with Him. We steal away to our cultivated sacred spaces where we quiet the voices of our world to press in and listen for Him to speak. Communion with God in the “Secret Place” gives reference to Psalm 91:1.
1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].
The “Secret Place” is a term many use to describe the time we spend alone with God. The relational realm where we can pour out our hearts to Him, listen to His voice, and receive guidance and direction, rebuke & reconciliation.
The Secret Place is not a physical location, but rather a location cultivated in the spiritual realm around us. It is a place of intimacy. A place where we can be vulnerable and transparent with God, leaving nothing hidden or unsaid. Sacred space where we can lay down our burdens and find rest. The place where we can receive deep healing, comfort, and peace.
The Worshipful Act of Intention
Simply put, communion with God in the Secret Place requires time spent intentionally with Him. We live in a busy world, and it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. Prioritizing our relationship with God, however, is essential and should be one of those daily “non-negotiables”.
There is no life in us apart from Him. He is the vine, we are the branches (John 15). Neglecting to spend time in His Presence or in His Word would be like neglecting to eat. We may make it a few hours, a few days, etc., but our physical bodies will pay a price. We will be starving, hangry, irritable, exhausted, etc. But it won’t necessarily cause us to stop living… immediately.
In the same way, just as starvation can eventually lead to physical death, neglecting time in the Secret Place can lead to a sort of spiritual death. When we neglect that set apart time, our faith suffers. Our ability to press on in the hard moments begins to fade. Attitudes suffer, our joy dissipates, and we trap ourselves under the crushing weight of the burdens we allow ourselves to accumulate.
Eventually, we stop relying on Him altogether. We simply forget that we can lay our heavy burdens down and pickup His instead; a yoke that is easy to bear and a burden that is light (Matt. 11:30). All the while, He never stops showing up. He is always ready and willing, so why aren’t we?
Purposeful Priorities
I’ve heard it taught before that, proper priorities look something like: God first, family second, career third. I think there is some definite truth to this hierarchy, though I would tweak it ever so slightly. I would write it as: God first, spouse second, children third, career fourth. I would also add a little asterisk (*) between God first and * spouse second that has a footnote reading “* In some cases, putting yourself before your spouse is more important.”
This is not a license to be selfish and put your needs above theirs. Rather, this is to say that “you cannot pour from an empty cup”. You need to come and fill your soul first (at the well that never runs dry) so that you can have something to pour into your spouse, kids, and career.
Obedience & Watchfulness
Once we become so acutely aware of our need for making time with Him, we must be faithful to show up. Obedience is the first step to hearing His voice. You can read ALL about this concept of obedience as the first step in Priscilla Shirer’s study “Discerning the Voice of God“. Obedience leads to discipline. Discipline leads to consistency.
When we step into that sacred, set-apart space, we can begin to focus on fostering intimacy with God. (Intimacy meaning a relationship where both parties are deeply connected to one another.) It is in this secret place where chains fall off, identity is restored, and revelation is revealed. This proves that the Secret Place, where we commune with God, is a space worth fighting for.
We can be certain that dwelling with Him in the Secret Place will give us direct access to freedom, one hundred percent of the time (2 Corinthians 3:17). Because of that liberating power, the enemy will stop at NOTHING to keep us too busy, too distracted, or too lazy to be consistent. Satan does not want us free. He wants us broken, beaten, tired, and worn down. What more strategic way for the “father of lies” to ensnare us than to convince us that we don’t have time to enter the Secret Place?
Consistant Communion
Communing with God in the Secret Place is not a one-time event, but rather a lifestyle, requiring discipline, intentionality, and honestly, spiritual warfare. As we make a habit of coming into His Presence, we will find that our relationship with Him deepens, and we become more in tune with His voice (John 10:14, 27-28). Subsequently, we may also find we experience more spiritual attack, oppression, and doubt. This is all futile attempts of the devil to thwart our pursuit of the Prince of Peace.
Cultivating Quiet
As we make it a priority in our lives, we will find that our relationship with God becomes richer and more fulfilling. The blessings will become immeasurable and our lives will be flooded with the peace that passes all understanding (Phil. 4:7). So what does it look like to cultivate sacred space and enter the Secret Place? Here are a few ideas:
The Where
First things first: find a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed. If that’s impossible, grab some noise-cancelling headphones and a “Do Not Disturb” sign – you’re gonna need ’em. Maybe you want to create your own war room, (just like in the movie War Room!)
Get comfortable. Whether it’s a cozy chair, a soft blanket, or a pile of cushions, make sure you’re relaxed and at ease. I like to light a candle and grab a soft blanket to snuggle up with.
The How
Start with a prayer. Ask God to join you in the “Secret Place” and to reveal His presence to you. I like to pray using the “P.R.A.Y” acronym. P– praise God for who He is, R– repent of sin, A– ask for His provision, to supply all of your needs, and to answer your prayer requests, and Y– Yield to the Lord. Wait on Him, and trust that all of His promises are “Yes & Amen”. Wait in confidence knowing that He answers all prayers. If the answer is yes, have confidence knowing that your request aligns to His will. If it is a “no” or “not yet”, have faith that His timing is perfect and His ways are higher and greater.
Take a deep breath and let go of all your worries and distractions. Imagine them floating away like confetti, leaving you feeling light and free (and if you love confetti as much as I do, joyful!)
Engage in different spiritual disciplines. Read your Bible, sing worship songs, or simply sit in silence and listen for His voice. Whatever works for you! This time doesn’t have to look any certain way. It is a heart to Heart, spirit to Spirit interaction between you and The Lord.
A Holy Longing for Us to Commune with God in the Secret Place
Don’t be afraid to be yourself. God loves your quirks and your sense of humor- He wrote them into your DNA. So go ahead and crack a joke or two – He’s got a great sense of humor! Finally, remember that the “Secret Place” is not an invitation-only space. It’s a 24/7 access point and nothing/no one can ever close the door.
Wholly Healthy
Just as in any relationship, it is important to be emotionally healthy when pursuing deeper intimacy with God. Self-awareness is required. Identifying blind spots and other areas of growth are important so we make healthy associations about what we discover in the Secret Place with the Truth of the Word and who He is/what He is saying.
Read more about this important topic in another one of my posts, here.
Final Thoughts
In closing, I just want to encourage you.
God loves you so much. I hope you can read those words and receive that. He loves you SO much, he thought you were worth dying for. He made the decision to send his Son to the world, to die on the cross for every single sin you and I would ever commit, transcendently. He exists outside of space and time. He IS the beginning and the end. He sees it all outside of our finite, linear perspective.
When we honor Him by communing with God in the Secret place, His heart overflows for us. When we are actively engaging our most secret and rebellious sins, His heart overflows for us. That is unconditional love. It is unfathomable. It is unreal. Yet, it is completely true and accessible.
Here are a few Truth-filled reminders to encourage you as you embark on your journey to the Secret Place:
The Word never returns void, so you can’t go wrong by reading scripture (Isaiah 55:11).
When you believe the Holy Spirit is speaking to you, remember to test the spirits and discern what is truly from God (1 John 4:1-6).
If you are uncertain of something or struggling to understand, always reach out to a trusted mentor, pastor, or spiritually wise friend who can help.
So what are you waiting for? Grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and your Bible, and head into the Secret Place!
My prayer is that you will find hope and comfort in this deep dive- How To Connect With God: A Biblical and Psychological Perspective. May the Lord reveal Himself to you, granting you wisdom through revelation by the power of the Holy Spirit.
A Divine Connection
For centuries, people have sought to understand and connect with God, the Divine.
In the Old Testament, we read stories of people crying out to God as they seek to overcome the insurmountable. We read accounts of Him showing up in burning bushes and parting seas. Sending warnings and ushering in judgment.
In the New Testament, we read several different accounts of the same gospel. Stories about those who traveled miles and miles to see Jesus- some just to touch the hem of his garment. We read of His humanness, how he hungered and wept. Unexpectedly arriving in complete humility, ushering in grace and tearing the veil.
We can see all over the pages of Scripture His desire to connect with His creation, and more specifically, with His people. Considering all of this, it is safe to say that humanity hungers for connection with God and He desires to commune with us. If we believe this to be true, why is it so difficult sometimes?
Connection Vs. Correction
As human beings, our brains associate everything with something else. Do you remember playing that old “association” game in elementary school? Your teacher would say a word and ask you to respond with the first thing that comes to mind? There it is- association!
In fact, our hippocampus does this as a full-time job. Nerve cells in the hippocampus are constantly creating new associations in our brains, like a new friend and her name. (It is all really quite fascinating. Read more here!) With this in mind, doesn’t it make sense, then, that we would make associations about God?
Lets revisit that elementary game mentioned above. I am going to say a word, and I want you to truly just stop and think of the first thing that comes to mind. Ready?
Jesus
Holy Spirit
God
Now be honest, did you associate any of those with “Father”? I am going to assume many of you reading this did. I promise there is a method to my madness here, so even if you didn’t make this particular association, just follow along.
Let’s play the game one more time. This time, the word is “Father“.
What did you think of?
This is where things are going to start to get really eye-opening, friends.
The Role of Father
For many in today’s world, the word “father” may be negatively associated. Working full-time with kids who have grown up in our home (a residential group home), I have seen this play out firsthand. Even for those who have had a wonderful example of of a Father, there can still be associations made with this term that are not synonymously true about Abba Father, God.
To truly connect with God according to His perfect design, we must get outside of our associations. Once more, we see the importance on what is written in Romans 12:2.
2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
Maintaining a constant awareness of our thoughts is vital. We must be self-aware, disciplined, and emotionally intelligent enough to remind ourselves that our thoughts, on their own, are influenced by feeling and emotion. Emotion from the heart. The heart, influenced by the flesh. (More about that here if you want more info!) We must take every thought captive, as stated in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5. We must be in control.
Thoughts taken captive = Disciplined, Holy Spirit-powered, aligned to the mind of Christ (2 Co. 10:4-5, 1 Co. 2:16, Phil. 4:8, Isaiah 55:8-9)
Defeating the Flesh
Going against our flesh is one of the hardest things to do. Especially in a world that preaches “live your truth” and “do what feels right”. But, if we keep going in this direction, we could very well become another Sodom and Gomorrah! Big yikes, friends. BIGyikes. Read Genesis 19 for more insight into that mess. You’ll find that much of it feels all too familiar.
Additionally, in living enslaved to the appetites of our flesh, we miss out on God’s best for us.
Romans 8:6-8 says:
Now the mindset of the flesh is death, but the mindset of the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mindset of the flesh is hostile to God because it does not submit to God’s law. Indeed, it is unable to do so. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
There is so much hope in three verses that come next:
You, however, are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. If anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to him. 10 Now if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, then he who raised Christ from the dead will also bring your mortal bodies to life through his Spirit who lives in you.
Romans 8:9-11
There is life in abundance to be found in Jesus. Pressing in, doing the hard work, and remaining steadfast will undoubtedly pay off. He is faithful and has promised to provide a way out of temptations (1 Co. 10:13). He will sustain us (Psalm 55:22). He will protect us from the schemes of the evil one (2 Thess. 3:3). He will fight on our behalf, we need only to be still (Exodus 14:14) and meditate regularly on His Word (Josh. 1:8)
Rewiring Thought Patterns
I’ve heard it said “neurons that fire together, wire together.” For the children I work with, we focus a lot of our time, energy, and resources on helping them to heal. One of the many interventions we utilize for that purpose is therapy. Specifically CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), and Neurofeedback.
Each of these interventions help the individual to rewire those neural pathways in varying capacities. It is completely understandable why someone who has experienced trauma would benefit from these techniques. In fact, I would say outside of immediate physical medical treatment, therapies (like those listed above) are the first line of defense for many when seeking a path to healing from trauma.
Trauma Explained
What is a trauma, anyway? Our brains tell us (by association) that trauma is snonymous with “bad things” that happen. to us. That is definitely true, but the definition can be simplified.
Per the Oxford Dictionary, trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.
Natural disasters, losing loved ones, experiencing a car accident- these are all definable traumas. For a small child, though, trauma can look as innocent as taking a wrong step and falling on a familiar playground unexpectedly.
We must take into account that everyone’s experience of what is “deeply distressing or disturbing”will be different. We all have thresholds of what we can tolerate. For some, that threshold is much lower than others.
Let’s look at these facts from a slightly different perspective.
The Power of Biblical Transformation
This might seem like a stretch at first, but I would consider the experience of suffering the consequences of sin, spiritually traumatic. The idea of spending an eternity in Hell is certainly “deeply disturbing and distressing”, even though I know it is what I deserve.
Think about it. We would never tell someone who has just experienced a major trauma that they deserve it, right? Who would do that?
But the reality of our sin is that we do deserve death (Romans 6:23).
Sin separates us from God. Listen to me, y’all. Lean in real close for this one:
OUR DESPERATE NEED FOR THE SAVING GRACE OF A SAVIOR IS JUST AS DIRE AS SOMEONES NEED FOR PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTIONS AFTER EXPERIENCING TRAUMA.
Arguably, our need for a perfect and sinless Savior is far more dire than the need for finite, human-offered healing.
This might not “hit you in the feels” the same way that discussing more traditional ideas of trauma & healing does. (Thanks to our associations and our desensitization.) But if you think about it logically, it makes sense.
The Connection Point: Mind, Body & Spirit
When someone experiences a trauma mentally/emotionally, their neurons misfire. Healing comes when therapeutic interventions allow for the individual to essentially relive the trauma, process it appropriately, and replace the negative associations. This can result in reconstructed or rewired neural pathways, and more tangible benefits, like reduced anxiety/depression.
Similarly, when someone experiences a trauma physically, they may break a bone or require stitches. In these instances, they will seek medical treatment or First-Aid, right?
From this same perspective, sin is the spiritual trauma we suffer. Jesus, The Word made flesh, is the only possible path to healing. To heal spiritually, we have to cauterize the gaping wound of sin by coming to salvation in Christ. From there, we rehab the injury by reading The Word and by (you guessed it), being transformed by the renewing of our minds.
Communing with God and staying connected to biblical community could be considered the post-injury lifestyle modifications (for purposes of this analogy.)
Once we’ve experienced such trauma (sin) we will develop a natural vigilance, watching cautiously for the flaming arrows of the enemy and the snares of sin in the future. When we are aware of the trauma (sin), we have a new perspective and cultivated awareness of what the initial experience of sin felt like. We will make it our subconscious mission, then, to warn others who are about to fall victim to the same traumatic injury, helping them avoid the pain of what we suffered through.
It would seem foolish for us to say “physical health is the only aspect that matters” when we know we also have minds that need tending to. Why, then, are we so desensitized to our need for soul care when we know we are all three: mind, body, and soul (1 Thess. 5:23)?
Attending church weekly or asking for prayer when times are hard are simply not enough. Just reading a one page daily devotions is not enough. We need so much more than some eloquent words of encouragement peppered with Bible verses. (Please don’t be offended by that.. I am not knocking these things– I love a good daily devo and am a blogger for goodness sake! I love encouraging words!)
It would be like living on fruit alone; delicious, full of nutrients, and imperative. But, not enough to sustain us alone. We need protein to strengthen us and healthy fats to satiate us. I am simply saying that we need a feast. The only place to get all three macronutrients in a spiritual sense, is the Word of God. We could survive on the fruit between meals, but for optimal health, balance is key, right?
Reactive vs. Proactive Approaches to Healing
That brings me to this idea of reactive vs. proactive approaches to healing. Over the last several years, I have learned more and more about the differences between traditional medicine and functional medicine. My family started seeing functional medicine providers years ago when we realized that the goal of this approach is finding the root cause of ailments and disease.
Reactive healing is more about addressing the immediate symptoms and remedying those to bring relief.
Please hear me when I say, neither approach is “better” than the other. Both are necessary and have a place. I believe both are a byproduct of the mercy of God.
Reactive Healing
Regarding trauma, a reactive approach is always going to be required first. Whether physical, mental, or spiritual, we have to essentially “make the pain stop” before we can dig in and find the root issue.
Physical
For example, someone unaware they are suffering with cancer may not know the stage or the cause. They do know, however, that something is painful or off in their physical body. Enough that is cause for concern. They visit a doctor to receive medication or fluids. The doctor may then order some sort of scans or imaging. From there results, the patient may then receive a referal to a specialist if necessary.
The first line of defense- treat the pain. Manage the symptoms. A temporary “bandage” of sorts, until a cause is identified.
Mental
Mentally, the same idea applies.
For example: A child is severely neglected and abused. Authorities are aware. The first step? Removing the child from danger, meeting the immediate needs (clothing, food, shelter, safety). Later, therapies and other resources can be utilized.
The first line of defense- Meet the immediate needs. Manage the symptoms.
Spiritual
So what does a reactive approach to healing spiritual trauma (sin) look like? Well, it can look like a lot of things.
An old professor of mine from college, Dr. Tom Bergler, used to passionately shout “Getting you fire insurance card isn’t enough!”
Asking Jesus into your heart is the first step, but there has to be more that follows, right?
Let me VERY clear here: I firmly believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Him! (John 14:6). Jesus is ALWAYS enough. More than enough. In fact, if we have Jesus and nothing else, we truly have everything. I am not (and could never) say that salvation isn’t enough. I believe that, once we are truly born again (which is accompanied by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. A direct result of receiving salvation– being covered by the blood of Jesus, believing wholly in his crucifixion and resurrection, certain of His awaited return), NOTHING can separate us from Him (Romans 8:38-39).
I am saying, however, that if we just stop there, we are only putting a tourniquet on a severed limb and expecting it to heal on its own.
For Born Again Believers
For one who is already a born again believer, this could look like diving into the Word “after the fact”.
Take a look at this example. A mother goes to tuck her sick child in at bedtime. The child asks “Mommy, did Jesus really heal sick people?” The mother replies with confidence “He absolutely did!” The child then replies “Will you tell me one of the stories?”
The mother smiles and prepares to start telling the story, when suddenly, she realizes “Oh no, I can’t think of one!” The mother then realizes that she has heard references to these stories for years about Jesus as the healer. She knows them to be real and Jesus as the Healer is a foundational truth she relies on.
It then occurs to her “Perhaps I should read these stories for myself, directly from the Word, instead of relying on those around me to teach me.”
Oof. Y’all. This is a real thing! We have all been here, right?
Proactive Healing in the Spirit
So what does Proactive healing look like from a spiritual perspective? Proactive healing is preventative healing.
Spiritually speaking, then, I think the answer is simple. Jesus, The Word made flesh, is the only possible path to healing. To prevent trauma (sin) from reoccurring or becoming triggering, we must take preventative measures to combat it. We must:
Amazingly, he is the answer to both reactive and proactive healing. The way, the truth, and the life.
Uprooting the Old
We must discipline ourselves to be in a daily rhythm, feasting on the Word, allowing it to take root. When we know the Word, we live by the Word. We cultivate wisdom and set ourselves up to succeed. A “from the ground up” approach of sorts.
In doing this, we begin to proactively stand firm on the unshakeable foundation that is Jesus.
I love David’s heart cry in Psalm 139 23:24. He prays:
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.
The movie The Shack also shows this process of being transformed and sanctified beautifully. The character, who depicts the Holy Spirit, is a gardener. Together, the gardener and main character go and tend to his garden (the garden of his heart).
The metaphors, as you can imagine, are plentiful. Some things grow beautifully and bear much fruit. Sometimes, weeds grow and try to choke out the good growth. The thorns and thistles must always be removed from the root.
This brings us full circle.
Humble Awareness
We need to be aware that we are broken people with broken perspectives. We have spent our entire lives learning and associating things around us with experiences and individuals, both positive and negative.
Now, we must learn to increase our self-awareness, surrender our pride, and unlearn the things that have been associated incorrectly.
To truly connect with God, we need to start untangling the associations we have made. Those that connect our infinite and transcendent God to our finite and immanent experiences. And those that connect our immanent and omnipresent God with what is out of reach and absent.
We must know, that we know, that we know, that we simply do not know. **brain freezes & eye twitches**
From there, we must proactively be preparing, feasting, studying, meditating, and living the Word of God.
Conclusion
Like healing in the bones, we must be further broken down, so that we may be built back up better and stronger.
We must seek to pursue Him proactively, like an apprentice to a master. May the things we have associated with God be restored to health. May He mercifully draw near to us and teach us the reality of who He is a little bit more everyday.
If you’ve followed my many thoughts and made it to this point, thank you! I hope you feel that this has been worth your time. Blessings as you continue down your own path of becoming more like Him.
Losing a child is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through. Dealing with miscarriage as a Christian is a subject not commonly discussed in our churches or social circles. The lack of conversation around this topic can make for an incredibly lonely season of grief. Feeling like no one understands what we are going through leads to hopelessness and depression.
My husband and I have battled the pains of infertility for the last eight years. In summer 2023, we miscarried our first child at five weeks. Losing our sweet baby, Easton Beck Finnegan, caused us to experience a rollercoaster of emotions.
The waves of grief surrounding miscarriage are like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. As Christians, it can be challenging to reconcile feelings of grief and disappointment with a belief in God’s plan for our lives. However cliché it may sound, there really are ways to find comfort and peace during this difficult time.
Steps for Dealing with Miscarriage as a Christian
Step One
The first step is giving yourself permission to grieve. Grief can be so painfully debilitating. Our bodies and brains want to go numb as a form of self-protection. I want you to know that not only is it okay to feel, it is necessary. Sadness, anger, and confusion feel different in the wake of a miscarriage. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and express them in healthy ways, like talking to a trusted friend or counselor, journaling, or praying.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. For us, the first step towards healing was giving our baby a name that has meaning. We chose Easton Beck for these reasons:
“East”- The direction the sun rises in. Sunrises have always captivated me, reminding me of God’s new mercies daily and reflecting the light of His glory. “Ton” is short for “Tony”, or “Anthony”, in honor of my Papaw who is the best man I’ve ever known.
“Beck” means “by the peaceful/still waters” which reminds us of Psalm 23:
The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, to guide and to shield me], I shall not want. 2 He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still and quiet waters. 3 He refreshes and restores my soul (life); He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You have anointed and refreshed my head with oil; My cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and mercy and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, And I shall dwell forever [throughout all my days] in the house and in the presence of the Lord.
Psalm 23 (AMP)
When I read this Psalm, I picture a beautiful scene in my mind. The sound of still waters and beauty of rolling hills in green pastures. It brings me peace to envision sitting there with my baby in my arms, the light of His glory shining on me. The warmth of His embrace like the warmth of the sun. I believe I will live this vision out when I cross into eternity. I cling to this hope. One day, I will hold my baby in my arms, but until then I am comforted knowing that the One who holds me is holding Easton, safe and sound, until my arrival.
That is how I am personally dealing with miscarriage as a Christian.
Step Two
Walking hand-in-hand with Jesus in this time is essential. God is with us in our pain, and He understands our heartache. He understands every aspect of our humanness. I find great comfort in knowing that, in taking on flesh, Jesus knows exactly how it feels to be human. He has experienced grief, hunger, exhaustion, and joy. In fact, he has experienced more of the human experience than I have- death. Through it all, he never sinned. Instead, He modeled how we should handle those human experiences.
The Word says that he is able to sympathize with our humanness. He is not afraid of our big feelings or our depressive thoughts. Instead, he weeps with us. With the perfect and loving heart of the Father, he holds space for us and embraces us.
For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, yet without [committing any] sin.
Hebrews 4:15 AMP
Turn to Him in prayer, and seek comfort in His promises of hope and healing. Find solace in passages like the one above. Similarly, Psalm 34:18 brings comfort:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
He is faithful. He is waiting for us to invite Him into our pain. All we have to do is turn our eyes toward Him.
Step Three
Finally, seek support from your community. Talk to other believers who have gone through similar experiences, and lean on your church family for comfort and encouragement. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or accept offers of support, whether it’s a meal, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on.
The need for community is a major piece of our hardwiring. We were not meant to do life alone. A strong support system can make all the difference in the midst of chaotic situations. The quality of those who make up our community is much more important than the quantity of people.
When looking for those trusted people, you really want to look for individuals who are emotionally healthy. When we invite people into our “stuff”, it is easy for the “stuff” in others to be triggered or provoked. In times of grief, we (as believers, especially) really need people who can speak wisdom and truth. When we are in a state of being triggered, we are not able to be fully available emotionally.
Additionally, who you surround yourself with matters biblically (Prov. 17:17, 18:24). Those friends who are more like family are the ones you can count on to bear your burdens with you. They are the ones who will pray for you, show up for you, and won’t let you walk this road of grief alone.
“People tend to believe that grief shrinks over time. What really happens is that we grow around our grief.”
Remember that healing takes time, and the road is not always linear. Your pain may never go away, but with time, you can find peace and hope for the future. Developing a daily rhythm of prayer is a great way to center yourself everyday. Preparing ahead is not only smart, it is biblically wise. (More on that here). Dealing with miscarriage as a Christian requires our communion with God. If you are looking for ways to incorporate prayer into your daily routine, check out my previous post here.
Allow yourself to grieve, lean on God, and seek support from those around you. Remember that you are not alone. Praise God for the hope we have in Jesus. One day, you too, mama, will be reunited with your baby in Heaven. Until then, we will walk through the pain together. One day at a time.
Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman in today’s world can feel intimidating and sometimes, unattainable. The overbearing social pressures and expectations are overwhelming. But fear not, my dear sisters, for I have some tips to help you navigate these uncharted waters that have proven to help me on my own journey!
Let’s begin by reviewing this hefty passage of scripture:
Who can find a wife of noble character? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. 12 She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away. 15 She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and portions for her female servants. 16 She evaluates a field and buys it; she plants a vineyard with her earnings. 17 She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong. 18 She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night. 19 She extends her hands to the spinning staff, and her hands hold the spindle. 20 Her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed. 22 She makes her own bed coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known at the city gates, where he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes and sells linen garments; she delivers belts to the merchants. 25 Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. 26 Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her: 29 “Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!” 30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. 31 Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
Now, this is not one of those Proverbs 31 Woman posts where we dig deep into what each word means. That is a great way to study this passage, (and a great way to study scripture in any capacity, honestly) but we are going to take a little bit of a different approach. We will be talking about what the characteristics of this godly woman look like from a practical and culturally relevant perspective.
Please don’t hear me saying that this passage, word for word, has no relevance. That is not at all what I am saying. But when it comes to things like “She extends her hands to the spinning staff, and her hands hold the spindle,” I think we can all agree that most women in today’s world aren’t sitting at spinning wheels to prepare to make clothing for their families (myself included).
Top 3 Must-Do’s for Proverbs 31 Women Today
First and foremost, you can’t take yourself too seriously. Yes, being a Proverbs 31 woman means being a virtuous and hardworking individual, but it also means having a sense of humor. Especially when things go awry. So go ahead and laugh at yourself when you accidentally burn dinner or forget to pick up the kids from school. It happens to the best of us!
Secondly, embrace your quirks. We all have them, so why not celebrate them? Maybe you’re a bit of a bookworm or a hopeless romantic. Maybe you love to sing in the shower or dance around the house in your pajamas. Or maybe you’re a “Disney Adult” like me! Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to let your colorful personality shine through. God created you with each of those quirks. If He saw it important and beautiful to weave them into your DNA, I think that proves the importance of embracing such qualities.
Lastly, surround yourself with like-minded women. We are created for a purpose- to engage in community with God and with others. It’s vital to have a support system that understands and encourages your desire to live a Proverbs 31 lifestyle. Find a group of ladies who share your values. They can provide accountability and encouragement as you strive to be the best version of yourself. A great place to start might be the Women’s Ministry at your church. Check to see if any upcoming Women’s Bible Studies are being offered. Plugging into that study can help to deepen relationships with a whole group of likeminded women.
So, a quick recap: 1. Don’t take things too seriously, be the most YOU that you can be, and plug into a community. Like Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.”
The Modern Proverbs 31 Woman Today
Her Marriage
The Proverbs 31 woman is a timeless example of a “wife of noble character”. She is a woman who is full of integrity, loving, and virtuous. Her husband is blessed to have her as his partner in life and he recognizes that. He trusts her to provide for his every need, and she does so with joy and grace. Her love for her husband is evident in the way she rewards him with good things. She never repays him with evil or “getting even.”
Her Husband
In turn, the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman is a man of great character. He is well-known and revered, not only for his own accomplishments but also for the way he leads their family. His wife’s value is something he cherishes. He praises her for all that she does and knows that she is worthy of that praise. This paints a beautiful picture of the responsibility of each spouse. Both must bring equal amounts of energy and effort to their roles in the marriage/family unit. When the scales are balanced, peace is prevalent.
Together, the Proverbs 31 woman and her husband are an beautiful example to follow. They provide a picture of what it means to have a strong and loving partnership. They are both characterized by their noble character, their love for one another, and their commitment to their family. These qualities are just as important today as they were in biblical times. They serve as a model for all couples who strive to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Her Children
The Proverbs 31 Woman Today Provides Loving Instruction
One of a Proverbs 31 woman’s notable traits is her ability to give loving instruction to her children. She recognizes the value of teaching and guiding her children, and she does it with love and patience. This quality of the Proverbs 31 Woman is still relevant today. We seek to raise children who are not only successful, but also kind and compassionate. Colossians 3:21 reminds parents not to provoke their children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Ephesians 6:1-4 says something similar;
Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
I heard a wonderful sermon on parenting in 2022 that has stuck with me because of the profound revelation I had while listening. My husband and I don’t have any biological children on earth (we have one in Heaven), but we have had over 50 children live with us over the last four years as we’ve served in a ministry that serves kids in hard places. It is somewhat similar to Foster Care.
Learning to parent for the first time is challenging enough, but God thought it would be a good idea to have us learn with a house full of kids who have significant and varying levels of trauma. (Don’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor!)
The thing about kids in general, but especially kids with any measure of trauma, they really need consistency and that doesn’t just mean a structured daily routine. It absolutely also includes a need for the adults in their lives to have consistency in their attitude, tone, and the way they respond to situations.
Her Emotional Intelligence
I don’t believe these passages above are saying “do whatever it takes to make sure your children don’t get mad at you.” I do think that there is wisdom, though, in thinking that if we (as the parents) consistently speak to our children with love and respect, even when we are upset, correcting, etc., there will be a level of safety attained and some relational equity/ trust built up.
When children feel safe and like they can trust you, they are likely to respond to you differently. In that sermon I mentioned earlier, that profound revelation I had came when the pastor said “Yelling at children never builds trust. Yelling scares and moves children into submission. Overtime, that submission turns children into good soldiers and good prisoners, but not into productive members of society.”
All of this affirms the importance of giving loving instruction to our children and maintaining our own emotional intelligence.
She Seeks to Plan Ahead
Another characteristic of the Proverbs 31 Woman is her ability to plan ahead. She rises early to ensure that all those she cares for are provided for. As a a woman of action, she does not wait for circumstances to dictate her actions. She takes charge of her life and the lives of those around her. This quality is important now more than ever. As we face unprecedented challenges, we are required to be proactive and resilient in an ever changing world.
The Proverbs 31 Woman is also known for being prepared in advance. She is “not afraid for her household when it snows”. She ensures that her family is well-clothed and taken care of even in the harshest of weather conditions. This quality is a reminder for us to be prepared for whatever life may throw our way. We must learn to anticipate challenges. We can take proactive steps to ensure that we and our loved ones are ready to face them.
She is a Reputable Woman
Finally, the Proverbs 31 Woman’s children “rise and call her blessed.” They respect, honor, and love her. This is a testament to her character as a mother and a caregiver. Her children recognize her sacrifices and her love for them, which is a reflection of her devotion to her family. This quality is still relevant today. We strive to raise children who are grateful and respectful, especially toward their parents.
Her ability to give loving instruction to her children, plan ahead and rise early, prepare in advance, and be respected and loved by her children are qualities that are attainable in today’s world. By doing so, we can build stronger families and communities that are grounded in love, respect, and compassion.
Her Home
The Proverbs 31 Woman Today Pursues Wise Investments
The Proverbs 31 woman’s many admirable qualities are something to celebrate. These include her wisdom, her hard work, and her dedication to her family. Another celebration-worthy aspect of her character is her approach to managing her household.
Next, let’s discuss another desirable trait of the Proverbs 31 woman. She makes wise investments in the things that matter most to her family. When purchasing things like wool and flax, she does so with an eye towards quality and value. She does not simply settle for the cheapest or most convenient option. (Oof, that hits. Millenial/Lover of convenience over here!) She recognizes that spending a little extra money upfront can pay off in the long run. Both in terms of the durability of the items she buys and the satisfaction they bring to her family.
Additionally, the food she purchases is nutrient dense and not destructive to the body. In our modern world with fast food convenience, I find this one particularly convicting. How often have I chosen the more convenient-for-me option? Grabbing McDonald’s or a pizza for my kids instead of planning ahead for a nutrient rich meal is too easy. Honestly, isn’t it just as easy to throw something in the crockpot or pressure cooker? For me, it comes down to planning (or the lack thereof).
This goes back to wise investments. How do we spend our money? What do we spend our resources on? How do we use (or waste) our time? Surely, with a little planning, this is one area we can all start to see some growth (and blessings!)
She Understands Frugality & Sustainability
Similarly, the Proverbs 31 woman is notably frugal. She has an uncanny ability to make the most of what she has. When she can create something herself, she does so rather than relying on store-bought items. When she has a surplus, she puts her skills to work. By making (and even selling) linen garments, she is able to earn an income to help support her family. In a world riddled with MLM’s, we can see that this core desire remains. Women are seeking to industriously support their families in their limited spare time.
I am fully supportive of moms who want to work outside of the home full-time. Where would we be without these women and world changers? To the moms who have made the decision to stay at home full-time, your job is just as important. For any mom, finding the time to take a hot shower can be nearly impossible. The expectation that we also need to use our practically-non-existent free time to make additional income seems overwhelming and exhausting.
The Proverbs 31 woman shows us a beautiful and balanced way to do this. She stewards her earnings and invests them. Her investment becomes profitable and she collects on the return. The investment is wise financially because she know it will produce return after return, year after year.
Her earnings probably were not flashy sports cars, Apple Watches, or massive payouts. But we can be certain that the Lord always provides more than enough!
She is Disciplined & Intentional
Perhaps most importantly, the Proverbs 31 woman is an expert manager of her home and her family’s affairs. She is never lazy, always looking for ways to improve the lives of those around her. I assume this means she not only keeps their family calendar organized, but she intentionally pursues productivity as well. She recognizes that her role as a homemaker is just as important as any other career. She takes her responsibilities seriously.
In a world that often values convenience over quality, our priorities have become skewed. The world encourages us to accumulate more and more material “things”. The Proverbs 31 woman offers a refreshing example of what it means to invest in the things that matter most. Whether we are homemakers ourselves or looking to live more intentional lives, there is much we can learn from her example.
The Modern Proverbs 31 Woman & Her Personhood
The Proverbs 31 Woman Today is Admirable
Two of the most admirable qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman are her noble virtue and her highly valued worth. Her character is trustworthy, consistent and strong, and she is intentional with her time and energy. In today’s world, these qualities look like:
Knowing our identity in Christ and walking confidently in it
Not allowing ourselves to settle for less than we deserve
Maintaining our integrity
Living above reproach
Take note of this important reality. There is a real difference between knowing our identity in Christ and receiving it as truth. Honestly, I think this is one of those lifelong mysteries. We will be uncovering it, piece by piece, until Jesus returns. For example, it isn’t always possible to read “I am a child of God” and immediately feel and know it on a soul level. Part of the beauty of God’s plan for our sanctifying journey (and evidence of his lovingkindness) is to encounter those little crevices in our heart that struggle to believe thanks to the influences of our sinful world.
Once he reveals Himself to those parts of our hearts, we receive revelation of His truth. Once we have obtained that revelatory Truth, we are responsible to maintain our belief. This happens by remembering the moments when He reveals those truths. You can think of them as “stake-in-the-ground” moments that are never up for question again. Remember, the Word reminds us that our feelings can be liars! We have to rely on God’s Truth over our feelings. Every time. (You can read a little more about that here.)
She is Strong & Honorable
This woman is a superhero. Her money works for her while she balances her family and her many duties. She pursues hard work and ensures she meets her deadlines are met But she is not just about personal gain. She is also generous, giving to the poor and needy as she is able.
Overall, the qualities above all point back to two main, overarching qualities. The Proverbs 31 woman is strong and honorable. She is not insecure. She is a woman who confidently stays in her lane. Celebrating and making space for others is a priority. She is never petty or jealous. Her priority is to invest in developing wisdom so she can speak wisdom. Always staying in the Word, feasting & meditating on it, hiding it in her heart. She follows the commands of scripture and is “transformed by the renewing of [her] mind“. And she knows that being pretty and friendly bring her confidence but alone are fleeting. She understands that honoring God will outlast both and that is what is worthy of being noticed.
In Conclusion
Although her rewards may not always be earthly, she is (and will be) rewarded. Her reputation of being a great woman is a reward in itself. In a world that often values the wrong things, the Proverbs 31 woman stands out. She is a shining example of what it means to be truly valuable and honorable. May we all grow to be a little more like her in our daily lives.
PS, try not to spend too much time striving after the Proverbs 31 woman’s example. The only time scripture calls us to strive is in Hebrews 4:11 where we are called to strive to enter into His rest.
Prayer is an essential form of communication for those who are reliant on God. We recognize prayer as our direct-line to the Lord and as one of the most powerful tools we have for managing this rollercoaster called life. Here are 5 simple ways you can begin to incorporate prayer into your daily routine.
Simple Strategy for Success
Let’s face it, sometimes things get in the way. Between work, family, and the never-ending demands of each season, we often allow our prayer lives to become stagnant, distant, and neglected. One of my biggest convictions (that actually led to me wanting to write this post) was this; how often have you told someone in need “I will be praying for you!” and had every intention of following through on that, only to forget? Y’all, I am so guilty of this. I am convinced that I would forget my head sometimes if it wasn’t attached to my body.
When I first started asking God how to overcome this convicting, embarrassing, and frankly guilt-inducing habit, the first thing He prompted me to do seemed simple:
Slow down and be present.
A Short Backstory
I’m going to expose myself here a little bit now and let y’all know that your girl has ADHD. My brain (and also my mouth) want to run at 90mph at all times, even when I don’t realize it.
Since childhood I have been a talker and one who notoriously talks fast. If this is what is happening in my brain as an adult, causing my speech patterns to be in a perpetual state of “fast-forward”, it is no wonder why I sometimes forget things. Especially things that are not right in front of me. It is almost like everything that runs through my mind is like The Flash. I am aware of thoughts passing by, but only because I can see the remnants of the trail they’ve left behind. They go just as quickly as they come. My fellow ADHD-ers know the struggle! So how do you take a high-speed human like me and make her slow down and be present? One word: discipline.
With ADHD comes impulsivity. In general, it is very hard to make yourself do something that you physically do not feel like doing, right? It is a thousand times more difficult when your impulsivity tells you to go with what you’re feeling, rather than what your brain knows is best.
Practicing What We Preach
When someone asks you to pray for them, when someone pours out their heart to you, and/or when The Lord burdens your heart to pray with/for someone, you’ve gotta just stop and do it right then and there. Even if you don’t feel like it. We have to somehow get our brains to understand that when someone is communicating a need to us, that is our cue to stop and take a deep breath, and focus in. Everything else can wait for just a moment.
It is never going to be easy. It is never going to be second nature. Maybe at some point, by the grace of God, it will become routine and have an air of effortlessness. Until then, we have to force it. Or “fake it til we make it” as I like to say.
Thoughts Vs. Feelings
Did you know that the Bible actually tells us that our feelings are liars? It is true!
“The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it”
Jeremiah 17:9
Crazy, right? Our “heart” as written here (which is referencing our emotions/feelings) is heavily influenced by our flesh, which we know by nature is sinful! This is why the Word also says this:
Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2
Basically, this passage is saying “Hey, the culture is going to tell you to do things one way, but that isn’t God’s way. Your feelings will be heavily influenced by that culture. Instead, you must know what the Word of God says. Read it, meditate on it, hide it in your heart so that when your feelings start to cause you to want to justify your sin, you will realize it. You will then be able to tell the ways of God apart from the ways of the flesh and not walk into the trap of sin.”
I know this might feel like a little bit of a tangent I’m on, but man, is it ever true. We are so emotionally driven and the Word is clear. That is simply notGod’s way.
This strategy might sound simple (and even like common sense to some), but it was a revelatory lesson I learned that really changed the trajectory of my prayer life. It also changed my intentionality, which helped me to steward my gifts of mercy & encouragement. *GASP* – it is almost like God had it all planned out to work together for my good!
He’s the best, isn’t He?
Alright, now that we know the strategy, on to the long awaited list!
5 Simple Ways to Incorporate Prayer into Your Daily Routine
Fear not my friends, for I have compiled a list of 5 simple ways to incorporate prayer into your daily routine that will leave you feeling blessed, present, and guilt-free.
The Commute Prayer:
If you are like most people, your commute to work can be a real drag. Instead of listening to the same old playlist, try reciting a prayer or two aloud. Not only will it make you feel more centered, but it will also make the person next to you on the bus feel awkward (and I think that is funny!) Hey, it could be a great ice breaker. Just after saying “Amen”, pop an eye open and say “Hey, you need prayer for anything?” I bet they will share a request or two!
The Mealtime Prayer:
We all have to eat, so why not make it a spiritual experience? Before you dig into that avocado toast, take a moment to give thanks for the food on your table, the hands that prepared it, and those you are breaking bread with. And for an added bonus, try praying for those who don’t have access to such luxuries. This is a great way to teach empathy to children, too!
The Shower Prayer:
One of the best times to pray is when you’re in the shower! The warm water is not only relaxing, but it serves as a great white noise machine to help clear your mind. Take advantage of this time to say a prayer or two. Just make sure you don’t accidentally sing “Amazing Grace” to the tune of “Baby Shark”.
The Workout Prayer:
If you maintain a regular exercise regimen, why not incorporate prayer into your workout? Instead of listening to music, try reciting a prayer or two while lifting weights or running on the treadmill. Yoga and Isometric Stretching are also complimentary workouts to prayer and meditation. Try listening to Scripture set to music (like this playlist on Spotify) while doing these relaxing activities.
The Bedtime Prayer:
Last but not least, the bedtime prayer. As you lay your head down to rest, take a moment to give thanks for all the blessings in your life. If you are married, praying at bedtime with your spouse is diversely beneficial. You can empathize with one another, communicate about all of your feelings and stressors, and you can bear one another’s burdens in love. A core part of God’s design for marriage (which you can read more about here!) If you’re a parent, having an established bedtime routine with prayer incorporated has immeasurable benefits as well. So much connection can happen when we are vulnerable with those we love. When we are vulnerable and it is received well, we are able to build trust with that person. When we have trust, our relationship can deepen.
So there you have it friends, 5 simple ways to incorporate prayer into your daily routine. I hope these have sparked some ideas and encouraged you. Let me know in the comments how you best incorporate prayer into your daily routine!
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Welcome, friend! 🌿✨
Hi, I’m Molly! 🌿✨ I’m passionate about helping others flourish—mind, body, and spirit. After a life-changing health transformation, including bariatric surgery and overcoming challenges with faith, I’m learning to thrive, even in the messiness of life. As a future Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Holistic Health Practitioner, I share tips on health, wellness, and personal growth to inspire you to bloom into the best version of yourself.
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